The Burden of Fear

I bought this new book by Max Lucado; It's called Traveling Light. In this book, Max lists the burdens that we were never intended to bear. One of them is fear, and it is by far my biggest burdern. I have been dealing with fear for the past two years, since Jacob has been born. My biggest fear has been of something happening to me and leaving Brad without a wife, Jacob without a mommy. I worry so much, I feel like something is wrong with me most of the time. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's my biggest downfall. While reading, Max points out verse after verse in scripture where Jesus tells us to NOT FEAR. "You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it."--Matthew 6:27. "The Lord has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-control." --2 Timothy 1:7. And there are so many more verses that specifically tell me to not worry about what tomorrow brings, and that, "each day has enough trouble of its own." --Matt. 6:34

When I was reading the last part of this chapter on fear, the Senior Adult choir (I work for the worship ministry at my church, and the Senior Adults were practicing in the choir suite where I could hear them) started singing a song that goes like this, "Burdens are lifted at Calvary..." Okay, Lord, I get it! :-)

What to blog about today??

There's not much new stuff going on in our lives, but I do have a small decision to make (very small), and maybe some of you can help me out with it...(We also have a BIG decision to make, so read past this next paragraph if you want to get to the interesting part!)

I have an iPhone (the 2G), and I LOVE it. But I have the opportunity to "upgrade" to a Blackberry and I can't decide if I want to do that. (See, I told you it was a very small decision.) ;-) My iPhone has never failed me, and it is so darn easy to use. Plus, the Facebook, eBay, and iPod apps right there on the screen are the apps I use the most. The colors are bright and pretty, the photo app is amazing (I have more than 1,000 pictures stored on my iPhone, with room to spare), AND I have a Bible app on it. Too cool. The only downside of the iPhone seems to be email...Apple is definitely lacking that area. Of course, Blackberry is known for its fabulous email. But, um, that's about it. Okay, so I've pretty much made up my mind...I'm keeping my iPhone. I mean, why mess with a good (free) thing??

Now for the big decision...

Brad and I have been discussing the option of doing in vitro once again. Jacob is 19 months old, and my baby fever is kicking into high gear. I go back and forth though...I love sleeping more than three hours at a time, not having to use bottles, and the independence that Jacob has. He doesn't do well when Brad or I pick up another baby/child. And by "doesn't do well" I mean he throws a temper tantrum. Big time. We're loving spending quality time with him, and don't know if that would last should he have a little brother or sister. We wouldn't start the whole IVF process until Jacob is two years old, just so we can try on our own and see if it could happen "naturally." I'm so confident in God's ability to perform miracles, that I know it can happen if He so decides. :-) I also know that we were put through the trials of IVF for a reason...Brad's and my relationship grew (in ways they never would have, had we not gone through that time together), my relationship with the Lord grew, and my relationship with MYSELF grew. I learned how strong I could be.

After I had Jacob everything changed (didn't I mention that in an earlier post??), including my job. Which was for the BETTER. I'm just so amazed every day how God has worked everything out in our lives. It blows my mind. What I'm doing now wasn't a "career" move for me, but something I thought I'd want to do while Jacob was young. Man, I got FAR more than I'd ever hoped or dreamed. My relationship with the Lord has blossomed over the past year, and let me tell you, Satan really has been trying to get me down. In so many ways, that I won't go into here. Unless you just HAVE to know. ;-) But it's so great to work in an environment where other Christians help you grow in your faith.

Anywho, because of my change in jobs, I also make a little less--okay, a lot less!--$$. Which, even if given the opportunity to make what I did in my last job for another job, I wouldn't take it. The positives of this job FAR outweigh any amount of money I could be given. How cool is it that Brad, Jacob and I all ride together to work/daycare? (Jacob goes to daycare here at the church where Brad and I work.) But IVF takes money, which we just don't have right now. (Even though my wonderful parents have said they'd foot the bill, which they did for Jacob, I hate that we have to go to them. But geez, they are just such a blessing to us, I have to say that!) Having a baby takes money, which we don't have right now. And sending a baby to daycare takes money, which we also don't have right now.

So you see our decision is huge! One that will take lots and lots of prayer. Please pray for us, that we make the right decision.

As I was working on Jacob's scrapbook (yes, as of Friday, I started a scrapbook; something I thought I'd never do) I couldn't believe how quickly time is flying. My little baby is 18 months now; seems like just yesterday that we were on our way to the hospital getting ready to have our precious son.

I had to break out all the "old" pictures to put in his scrapbook, and by the time I was on the third photo album (I have five or six of them full of pictures), I had tears streaming down my face. I've looked at those albums dozens of times over the past few months, and have never had that kind of emotion come out. I realized how much I missed my six/nine/one year old baby who hung on to every word I said, always wanted to be held, and never misbehaved (well, compared to these days anyway). Now, he's a busy-body (like his mama; gets it honestly I guess), a hitter, biter, and screamer. Seriously, I think he has an anger management problem. ;-) So what happened to my baby??? He's growing up. Not that I'm not enjoying these years. I am loving that he's grown into a mama's boy, and will give me as many hugs and kisses that I ask for, and that he'd rather have his mama than his daddy (most of the time). ;-)

This is random and off-subject, but he and Brad are playing in the living room while I'm typing this (in the same room), and Brad asked him a question, Jacob put his hands out like, "What happened?". Brad told him to say, "I don't know." And Jacob just said, "I don't know." Except it sounded more like, "I dodo." It was so cute!! That was major for us since he's had several ear infections in the past eight months and has really not said anything. Now he's saying, "I don't know" and "No" (he says NO to everything), mama, and daddy. I'm loving it. So that's another great part of watching him grow older. There are so many milestones and things that I love teaching him. Most importantly, I want to watch him grow into a godly young man.

I hope that Brad and I can be a good example, that we can teach him respect for others, a love for people, and a love for our God.

What's today's "Thought for the day"?

I have a million and one thoughts running through my head this morning, and I can't figure out which one to blog about...So I guess I'll just type down the first thing that comes to mind...

If you have a child(ren), you know how frustrating/challenging/scary life can be. When we got pregnant with my son, I was ecstatic. After all, we had tried for three and a half years to get pregnant with no success, and then a round of in vitro did the trick. I thought that everything was going to be perfect from there on out, and aside from the morning (and by morning I mean ALL-DAY) sickness my first trimester, my pregnancy was a breeze, the delivery was a breeze (really, it was), but then came the first night with my little miracle.

WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! That's when I knew life as we knew it was going to change dramatically, and everything would most definitely NOT be perfect. He cried when he was hungry, he cried when he was wet, he cried when he was tired, etc., etc... Not to mention I had no success with breastfeeding which made my baby-blues even worse. The first three weeks were the most difficult for me. I cried ALL THE TIME. I tried to get out of the house by myself once, but halfway to Wal-Mart, I got so dizzy I thought I was going to pass out, so I turned around and went home. I was so used to being independent, to just having lots of "me" time, and now I had to take care of a baby (with the help of my husband, who, by the way, is most of the time better with him than I am). Thank goodness for my husband and my parents; without their help, I would be somewhat incompetent. Really, I don't have a clue how single parents do it. I asked one once, and she told me she just DOES. Kudos to her!

Anyway, with time, everything definitely got easier. Well, not exactly EASIER, but I just became more capable of handling a helpless being. And I learned how to give up some of my "me" time and focus on someone other than myself. Brad's and my date nights now included a baby. Romantic, isn't it?

I love watching my little man grow up. I loved watching him learn how to crawl when he was six months old, loved watching him learn how to feed himself when he was seven months, loved watching him take his first steps when he was 10 1/2 months, and of course, LOVE that he's a bit more independent now at 18 months. He is now at that stage where he's hitting everything and challenging everyone. Spanking is not an option for me (though all my friends tell me I'm crazy); I mean really, why would you spank a child who just hit you? To me, that's just teaching them that hitting is okay. I guess it works for some kids, but I'm not even going to find out if it works for mine. ;-) Time-outs will have to do for now, and I get lots of my inspiration from "Super Nanny." :-) That woman is a genius. Wish she'd come to my house just for a week and tame my kid too, though. Maybe I'll call her...

He was a daddy's boy when he was a baby, and I think that's changed a bit--well, a lot. He still loves his daddy, but he's a mama's boy like I've never seen one. I constantly worry about something happening to me and him being without a mother, but I know that fear has no place in my home. I just have to pray through those thoughts.

Anyway, I'm rambling, so I'll stop now and get to work. Tune in next time! :-)

My Second Post!

I know you all have been waiting for another post (rolling my eyes)...so here goes! *side note*... Please pardon my completely random thoughts...this is more or less my scrapbooking hobby; I don't have time to sit down and scrapbook, so I'm going to use technology what it's made for and write my "feelings" on the computer. Plus, my family lives too far away, and this is just one way they can keep up with my family and me. There; there's my justification in having a blog. :-)

Let me give a little background of "The Fitts Family" for those of you who know me, but not B (my hubby) and vice versa...(If you get bored with the geneaology of the Bible, you might want to stop here; the background might rank right up there with that)...

B (short for my husband's name, but won't put names on here for the sake of keeping stalkers away; not that someone couldn't find out if they were persistent enough, but anyway...) was born and raised here in good 'ole Alabama, while I was born in Louisiana. B lived in one general area of Birmingham his entire life; I on the other hand moved around A LOT. Lake Charles to Baton Rouge, then to Lafayette, Mandeville, Shreveport, and back to Lafayette. Of all the cities, I loved Lafayette the most. The food is G-O-O-D!!! Man, I miss those crawfish... Anyway, everyone asks me what brought me to Alabama. So here it is in a nutshell: My sister moved here before I did; she was diagnosed with scleroderma, a rare auto-immune disease that affects only 15 in one million people. Doctors told her there was an experimental light treatment, either in England or, you guessed it, Birmingham, AL! So yeah, she chose Alabama. One of the nurses at the Kirklin Clinic felt God layed it on her heart to ask my sis to come live with her here in our tiny town. What a huge blessing that was for D (my sis); she was scared enough as it was, and to have to live in a foreign town where she didn't know anyone for three + months was scary. L (the nurse) took her in and took her to church with her. D got involved in the College & Career ministry at the church and that is where her life changed. She would come back to Louisiana-- where I was still living at the time--and tell me about this new life of hers. She listened to Christian music, she raised her hands in church. I thought, "she's gone nuts!"

We were raised in a very traditional Methodist church and didn't do "those things". But my life needed a change as well, and so on August 20, 2000, I made the move to Alabama. And THAT is where MY life changed. I've always been a Believer, but never had that RELATIONSHIP with Jesus that D talked about when she'd come home to visit. I know the Lord brought me to Alabama, and more specifically, my church, for a reason, and that was to bring me closer to Him. I met my wonderful husband at the church, and now we have one "perfect" little boy. ;-) He was long-awaited for, but I'll save that for another blog.

So I guess that wasn't much of a "nutshell" but it'll do. Hope you hung (??--is that correct?? Yes, I'm a grammar freak, and that also is for another blog!) in there with me through all that. Till tomorrow...

Jumping on the bandwagon...

So since everyone and their mothers have started a blog, I figure I'd better start one too...since I know everyone is dying to know what's going on in the Fitts' Family. ;-) And since Jacob is already 18 months old, and wouldn't it be neat to have something for him to look back on?? So here goes...we'll start with pictures...(scroll down, please!) :-)